A Second Chance
by greeny-blue lights
Summary: Jennifer Shepard entered the diner, knowing that she was going to die. No regrets. Yet she wished for a second chance. And she got it. She came into another existence, an existence as Special Agent Jennifer Shepard, someone very similar to Gibbs. JIBBS AU
1. SEASON 5: Prologue: Dying

TITLE: A SECOND CHANCE

SUMMARY: Jennifer Shepard entered the diner, knowing that she was going to die. No regrets. Yet she wished for a second chance. And she got it. She came into another existence, an existence as Special Agent Jennifer Shepard, someone very similar to Gibbs. JIBBS AU

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**Hey everybody! A new story I've started, and hope to finish. This story is almost like a rewrite of season 3-5, except our fave duo Jenny and Gibbs have swapped positions. Episodes will be selected, and the Jibbs element focussed on.**

**There will be several new elements to each person's personality, Special Agent Jennifer Shepard is more tom-boyish and hard, while as Director Gibbs is more gentlemanly and loves 'monkey suits'. So yes, if you are asking, it will be a little OOC.**

**Some characters may have changed slightly, switched genders to suit the roles. **

**The prologue will start with Judgement day, while the next chapter will start with Kill Ari.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.**

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**PROLOGUE: DYING**

Director Jennifer Shepard calmly paced the room, Mike Franks sitting there, near her, calm as well.

They were in an old diner, dark and abandoned for years. Light streamed in through the small gaps in the windows' grimy blinds, the room gloomy, oppresing.

"There's tea," Jenny stated carelessly, as if to end the silence which had unconciously fallen on them. Franks therefore decided to go outside to fill a jug with water.

Jenny sat in the diner, a strange emptiness filling the void of her heart. She knew she would die, it was only a matter of time before the gunmen she had waited for, for so long, walked in through the doors, and her trusty-worthy gun would take them all out, while one of them would shoot the fatal shot.

She was going to die, sooner or later, from the disease, so she might as well die then, die for someone she had secretly cared for, for so many years. Go down with guns blazing. She might as well tie up loose ends that had existed for too many years.

How convenient that Franks should leave just then.

She had no regrets about committing something now that could be equalled to suicide.

She whipped out her trusty Sig, knowing the gunmen had just arrived.

Suddenly, she made a wish, a wish that she could have a second chance. A second chance to redo something, something that she couldn't put her finger on. She pushed out that thought hurriedly as the gunmen burst through the door.

The gunshots fired out.

The last man managed to shoot a kill shot, which she didn't bother avoid. She fell, and so did he, their heads colliding against the floor.

She felt herself slipping into nothingness, into oblivion. The sweetness of the white expanse spread out in front of her.

_I want a second chance, a second chance to fall in love._

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**Love to hear your thoughts**


	2. SEASON 3: Chapter 1

**Thankyou to all the lovely reviewers! Hope this story will match your expectations. :) Hopefully it wont be too confusing.**

**Discalimer: I do not own NCIS**

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CHAPTER 1

Jenny woke up to the usual, unwanted, dazzling light of sunshine, streaming in through the curtains. She sat bolt upright.

She usually got up when it was still dark. How come her alarm clock wasn't buzzing in its usual frenzy?

Wait, she wasn't even supposed to be alive. She was supposed to be in the diner, dead. She wasn't meant to live. She had just _died_.

She turned to her bedside table. The alarm clock was set to 0630. She always remembered setting it to 0500, grumbling as her hand tried to smash the awful mechanism. Her heart stopped for a short second, when she realised that this wasn't her bedroom…definitely not…

This looked like Jethro's bedroom, except she could see a slight feminie touch, there were a few fluffy pillows, the armoire had a feminine pattern, the sheets of the bed were a deep purple. She got up and found herself tucking her feet into comfy slippers, her usual ones. Now she was really confused. Was this meant to be some kind of heaven on Earth? No, she didn't think that Gibbs' bedroom would manage fitting in to that catergory.

On top of the armoire, there was an old-style photo frame, containing a picture of herself with her father, she was sixteen. She remembered taking that picture, in her study. Yet the background of that picture looked exactly like Jethro's living room. Slightly more secure, but ever the more confused, she walked out of the room. Into a very familiar hallway.

The hallway was of Jethro's, other than the fact there were several trinkets around the place, and no weird side-table thing that Jenny never liked. A nice vase of her favourite hyacinths and lilies was resting on top of a dusty brown chair, and Jenny inhaled their musky scent. She continued into the kitchen. Jethro's kitchen with her touches, and the fridge was actually full.

_What the hell is gong on?_ She thought rapidly, and then had an idea. She walked down the familiar pathway, through a door and down a staircase, into the basement.

There, basking in its dim glory, was a half-finished boat. She ran her fingers over its polished wooden surface, and the glint of gold-coloured paint caught her eye. 'JASPER'

This boat was named after her father. She must have made it. And yet, she had no recollection of making it.

A sudden ring jolted her out of her thoughts. The cell-phone buzzed on the wooden workbench next to the boat, the ring-tone a familiar noise.

"Shepard speaking," Jenny decided to take no chances by calling herself Director. She had no idea why she was in what seemed to be Jethro's house, when she was supposed to be dead.

"Boss?" McGee's familiar voice caused her heart to begin to beat rapidly, "Um…I know you'll…um….we were just wondering where you were..."

"I'll be right in McGee," she answered with a soft voice, shutting the phone. McGee had sounded sad, tired and as nervous as always. Jenny was surprised at McGee calling her 'Boss'. It was almost as if she was Jethro…

She looked down and saw her hands. Thank God, it would have been like a re-edition of 'Freaky Friday' if she had found herself in Jethro's body. Definitely not fun.

She ran upstairs into the mirror, and inspected herself. She looked like herself, yet their were more wrinkles around her eyes, and her mouth was more determined, slight lines like brackets had formed around the corners as if she had gone through tough events. Her red hair was not in a pixie cut, it remained slightly longer than shoulder-length, with tints of honey blond which she never knew she had. _What has happened to me?_ she thought, as she brushed her hair into a tight ponytail, and swished on some lipstick she found lying on the vanity table. Very cheap lipstick, but beggars couldn't be choosers. She found herself finding her bag containing a few essential items in the living room, including her wallet, etc, before grabbing her keys on top of a shoe rack in the front hallway. The door was already unlocked, per usual with Jethro's house…

Then it hit her. Her wish in the diner right before she shot those men and died alongside them. Hoping that one day, she might have a second chance, a chance to stitch things up again, to fill in those holes. She…she didn't know why she was now essentially 'Jethro', but was prepared to embrace it. She would fill in those holes. Do what she set out to do.

Yet become Jethro had several cons, as she had become everything Jethro was. Memories flooded back, memories of events that she didn't remember having. She remembered meeting a guy called Shane, falling in love with him in a sleepy town by the name of Stillwater, her father being a retired Marine come home to run a small-business. She remembered becoming a Gunny, being laughed at by all the males, yet still finding her way. She had wanted to follow in her father's footsteps. She and Shane got married, a small ceremony, her father proudly leading her up the altar.

Shane worked as computer technician for the Navy, on home base, meaning that he could be there for Kelly, their red-headed daughter whose smile lifted their hearts.

And then it all happened. Shane and Kelly died in a crash, a crash which made Jenny shiver. They were under Witness Protection. Jenny knew how Jethro must have felt, because now, in theory, it had 'happened to her'.

She felt herself going on a murderous rampage, and then meeting a man named Mike Franks, who asked her to join NCIS…NIS at that time. It was security, and she joined, to find her husband and child's murderer.

Jenny pulled out of this memory, before another, very familiar memory hit her.

It was _that night_. Jenny could feel herself shaking with apprehension as she watched the familiar scene unfold before her. Dinner, candle-lit night. Jenny had been prepared to commit after Paris, and she thought Gibbs was going to propose that night. She still loved Shane, but she knew he would tell her to let go, to find happiness again. Life was too short to be wasted. Yet all Jethro had done was break up with her, he was commitment phobic and had married several times. She remembered herself becoming hard, into something like the present-day Gibbs, emotionless.

She remembered Kate's death, she was on the building, looking around frantically for the sniper who had shot a bullet through Kate's head. She felt a sudden wave of deep grief wash onto her. The event must have been recent, it felt like it had just happened two days ago. And it had.

Ari had tried to go after Abby, she remembered, tried to put a bullet through her head as she walked past Abby's window.

Jenny felt her old memories of herself, Director Jennifer Shepard, begin to slip away, her old habits, everything, and she began to slip into NCIS Special Agent Jenny Shepard, tough, relentless, ready to find Kate's assassin….Ari….and put a bullet through his head. Her head felt like it was going to explode. She fought hard against the pull, and managed to keep a few bits of her former self. Still a bit, a few habits, sprinklings of knowledge.

And there was one similarity between Director and Special Agent that both did not truly comprehend. It was deeply buried in their souls.

They both still loved the man of the name Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

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**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Thank you to all the reviewers (I love your comments, they keep me going)...and everyone who is reading this! **

**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my awesome online buddy, NCISgirl1527, for being awesome. And there will be huge hepings of Jibbsness....maybe not so much in this chapter though.**

**Oh, and just a note. There will often be little notes at the beginnings of chapters to tell you what ep. they're based on, and if I can, I might add a good song to listen to for the chapter. I love Rob Thomas!**

**Also, as a clarification for Pandora of Ithilien, Jenny will still remember a lot of things in the next few chapters, but it begins to wear away slowly.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS**

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**CHAPTER 2

_This episode and the following are based on the episode Kill Ari (Parts 1 and 2)_

Shepard walked into the elevator, and was surrounded by a few Probies, who looked as frightened as ever. She managed to smile slightly, but she could feel the grief of Kate's loss weighing on her. She knew that they had been great friends, even though Kate was her agent. It was like losing someone on so many levels.

The elevator doors opened once more and Jenny stepped out, no normal confidence oozing from every stride.

When she reached the bullpen, she slugged back the last remnants of her coffee, before tossing it in the trash can. She surveyed the bullpen. No-one had arrived, McGee must have been down at Abby's. Kate's death had hit Tony hard, Tony may have had some feelings for her, but they never had time to bloom. Love was painful anyway. She knew that from more than enough experience.

She began to dial Abby's lab, but McGee was already coming up with Abby, who had some of her mascara smudged, as if she was crying.

"Oh, Jenny!" Abby was one of the only people who were on first-name terms with her. And one of the only people who had the guts to give great bear hugs.

"I can't believe Kate's gone, I just can't. I miss her so much, Jenny."

"Hush, Abs," Jenny felt the words flowing so freely out of her mouth, "We'll find the bastard." She felt the hate of the man flowing out of her, she remembered dimly that she had once tried to defend him, in her other existence, but now, she had nothing but hate. It was clouding her proper judgement. She knew that she had felt this way when Kelly and Shane had died.

Jenny felt disconnected. She could not link herself with her 'new body', her new thoughts, her new ideas. She couldn't get her head around it. She was very confused.

Suddenly, her desk phone buzzed, snapping her out of her reverie. Abby and McGee looked on, concern etched in their faces.

"Shepard."

"Director wants to see you up at MTAC," the Director's assistant announced. Shepard made a slight grimace. She remembered all too clearly the meeting of her as the new Director and Jethro. Now, the roles would be reversed.

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Jenny took a deep, baited breath, before entering MTAC. She had to be calm, but not too rational. She must be angry. That was easy enough. The Special Agent part of her would take over.

MTAC was dark, the screens depicting a van, in the middle of what seemed to be dry, barren land. Jenny placed herself next to the Director, Tom Morrow, who began with the small chitchat about the loss of Kate, ladidadida.

"You're not my issue anymore, Shepard, anyway," Morrow announced, standing up after the target had exploded.

"You firing me, Director?" Jenny replied, lifting her brow quizzically. Morrow only smiled mysteriously, before the familiar gray head of Jethro arose from the front seat. He turned around, and lifted the edge of his lips into something that resembled a smile.

"Hello Jen," he greeted. He looked clean shaved, hair gelled neatly, and he was wearing the 'monkey suits' he hated in the other existence. She liked the look, and could not help the slight shock that went through to her toes, and the reminiscence of their nights in Paris. Her cheeks reddened slightly, yet she composed herself.

"Jethro. Why don't we skip the 'you haven't changed a bit' bull?" She could not help the sarcasm.

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They continued out of MTAC, arguing already over whether Ari was the sniper, the murderer. The old Director Jenny found it amusing that Jethro was actually defending Ari, she remembered him pushing her that Ari was the sniper, that they were all wrong, in the other existence. Jen found herself fitting into Jethro's shoes nicely, and Jethro seemed to be doing well in her high-heels.

"We have no evidence to prove that Ari is the sniper…" Jethro began once again as they reached the stairs. Jenny continued down, her hair colour matching her current anger level.

"You just want to save your ass, Jethro. And I don't care," she replied stormily, stomping down the stairs in a most unladylike manner. It seemed that Special Agent Shepard was a bit of a tom-boy. Jenny liked that.

"It's Director or Sir on the job," Jethro replied coldly. Jenny stormed back up.

"Very well, _sir_. And there is no off the job," Jenny responded to his thoughts.

"I missed you, Jen," his eyes were all buttery, and Jenny felt herself melt slightly. She shook her head to get rid of the feeling, before walking coolly down the stairs, and into the bullpen. Jethro overtook her, and they arrived at their destination.

Ziva David stood there, Tony eyeing her with a mixture of suspicion, curiosity, hate, confusion and attraction. Jenny noted that Tony could never look at a woman like Ziva without attraction, no matter who she was.

Jenny suddenly felt confused. She knew Ziva in her other existence, but was not supposed to in this one. Her thoughts began to repress her knowledge of Ziva, yet she struggled to retain the information. She managed, barely. Jethro though, seemed to know her, and stepped forward to shake Ziva's hand.

"Ziva, it's been too long," Jethro greeted with warmth, a warmth Jenny had rarely heard from him in her other existence. It made her lips curve slightly.

"Gibbs," her distinct Israeli accent came through, as she smiled wryly back, "Good to see you."

Tony sidled up to Jenny.

"Who's the woman?" Jenny asked suspiciously, already knowing the answer. She could act.

"Ziva David, here to stop us from whacking Ari. The guy?"

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs, the new Director of NCIS, same mission," At Tony's shocked expression, she clarified, "Morrow took up a job as Deputy Director of Homeland Security. Gibbs is replacing him." Tony pursed his lips knowledgably, before sitting back at his desk, and every so often, surveying Gibbs and Ziva. At last, it seemed that Gibbs and David's catch up had ended. Gibbs walked forward with Ziva.

"Shepard, this is Ziva David, Mossad," Gibbs introduced Jenny to Ziva. The Special Agent in her didn't trust this Ziva person one bit, but her old Director self did. She felt torn once more, before accepting the Special Agent. After all, she was living as a Special Agent currently.

"I'm here to stop you from killing the wrong man," Jenny heard Ziva begin the all too familiar monologue, "Ari Haswari is a Mossad operative undercover in Hamas. He has neither turned against you, or us." Her tone was harsh.

After Ziva had finished her explanation and went off somewhere, Gibbs had walked back upstairs to his new office, Tony had disappeared off to find the .308 casing and Abby and McGee had disappeared down into Abby's lab, Jenny sat down once more in Gibbs'....no, _her_ chair and heaved out a long sigh. Today was very strange. She ran her fingers through her untied red hair, and buried her pale face in her little chafed hands. She felt vulnerable, confused, enraged, hateful, and a whole bunch of other emotions. And if she knew correctly, the next few days were going to be even worse.

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**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Thanks to all the reviewers....**

**This chapter follows after the events of the previous chapter, but is before the whole Ari-tries-to-kill-Gibbs(in this case Jenny) scenario. Filled with angsty Jibbsness to satisify those who want Jibbs for a bit! Very short....so sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.**

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CHAPTER 3

_Song- Rob Thomas- This Is How A Heart Breaks_

Jennifer Shepard returned home that night, pulling up in the driveway with her black car. She stepped out, slammed the door, and continued up the pathway to the dark door.

The hallway was already a warm glow of lights. Someone had come unannounced, and if she knew him well, he would be down in the basement, pouring himself a glass of her bourbon.

Jenny smiled slightly, dumping her bag in the living room, before continuing to the warm little kitchen to soak some vegetables for the pasta tonight. After she had accomplished her minor tasks, she wrapped an old shawl around her neck and stepped down the creaking stairs into the basement.

Sure enough, Jethro sat on the chair, his face shadowy. He already had his jar of bourbon in his hand, and handed over the other jar to Jenny.

"Nice of you to invite yourself down here, Jethro," she enunciated his name wryly, sipping the jar of bourbon and relishing in the hot bite.

"See you haven't lost that sarcasm," he picked up a sander and tossed it to her, "Mind you, what happened to the other boat?"

"Burned it," was her quick answer, as she began the slow strokes.

"Are you going to do the same to this one?" he moved over to her side, "That would be strange, because it is named after your father." His bourbon scented breath tickled her ear, causing her to shuffle over to the other side of the boat. She was the one who had decided there was to be no off the job, and she would stick by it.

"If we had a fall out," she answered quickly. Her father and herself had too many fall outs, the last one being only a few months ago. She had begun to start making this boat as a sort of 'peace offering'. And when she was angry, she could always knock chunks out of it instead of going at the real person. He was too far away, anyway."Enough about me. What about you, Jethro? I haven't heard about you for a long time." Jethro's expression changed quickly.

"That's another story for another time, Jenny," he whispered as he sat down on the edge of the boat, next to her, looking old and tired. It looked like he didn't want them to get onto the topic of Paris.

"I missed you, Jen," he looked at her imploringly, "Give me….I'd never thought I'd say this, but give me a second chance? Please?" His blue eyes were mesmerising. Jenny recoiled in shock, before regaining her composure.

She stood up coldly, her lips pursed.

"You were the one who left. You are just like all the other bastards, the ones who never appreciate us women. Chauvinistic pig," she did not know where all this anger was coming from, "That night, you didn't think twice did you? Well it's too late. I told you, there was no off the job. And that's all. Get out before I do something that we both will regret." Jenny, fuelled with anger and a strange type of hatred, pointed to the stairs. Jethro sat unmoving, his face calm. This only fuelled her on more.

"GET OUT!" she shouted, hoping she would not dissolve into tears in front of the man.

"Is this your last answer, Jenny?" he asked softly, standing up. Jenny felt like a mad woman, pushing him up.

"GET OUT!" she felt the tears come. Jethro obeyed, walking slowly up the stairs. She waited until he was out of the basement, and had heard the muffled closing of the door, before sliding down onto the dusty floor.

She felt lonely. With her anger and hate all gone, she felt like she had just lost something, turned down something that could have made her happy.

Special Agent Jennifer Shepard dissolved into tears, while the dead Director side of her looked on, tears in her eyes.

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**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Very short chapter, sorry. Next one will probably be slightly longer...but kinda short. Thanks for all the reviews...and also sorry for the update time. There's a damn virus on my main computer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS**

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CHAPTER 4

"Ari is a rogue agent," Jennifer insisted to Ziva, who was shaking her head angrily.

"I have told you, Special Agent Shepard, that he is not," Ziva pointed out coolly, "He has neither turned on us, nor you."

"Well then, if he truly is not, prove it to me," Jen crossed her arms, glaring fiercely at Ziva.

"Why don't you prove to me that he is?" Ziva bit back. Jenny smiled, her cheeks lifting.

"Well then…"

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Jennifer Shepard had finally realised why Gibbs had always found building a boat so enjoyable. The Special Agent side had begun to grow on her, and she found herself down in the dusty basement with the dim lighting, sanding the boat with a glass jar of bourbon in her hand. It was oddly comforting, the sawdust, the glittering letters of her father's name emblazoned onto the wood.

Yet now she was not going into the basement because she wanted to go down a trip in Memory Lane.

She knew Ari was currently waiting in the basement, ready to kill her. Ready to let the bullet loose. And she was counting on Ziva to back her up, Ziva David, who she knew was Ari's half-brother. Could Ziva, in theory, shoot her bastard brother twice? Was not once enough?

Jen walked down the old stairs, the jar of bourbon in her hand, ready to meet the man that she knew she hated. That she knew Special Agent Shepard had wanted to hunt down to the Ends of the Earth to kill.

Ari wasn't very remarkable in the dim light of the lamp, the rifle pointed in Jenny's face. His face was sallow, though his arms were strong, supporting the weapon easily.

"Jennifer Shepard," he leered, his eyes dark and calculating, "I knew you would be here tonight. You and your strange attraction to this boat."

"Why did you do it?" she asked, her voice hushed, cutting straight to the point. There was no need to beat around the bush.

"You have the unfortune of reminding me of two of the people I hate most in the world. My father...and my step-mother. My father had raised me solely to become the mole he had always desired most in Hamas. I was perfect, he trained me well, yet he did not know what I would become. I would become the mole of Mossad, glorified by those of Hamas."

Jen hoped that Ziva would come. The man looked so smug, so secure. He had obviously commited this act several times. She had to admit that she was at least a little unnerved. But she was still cool, serene and calm.

"My step-mother shared your beauty, no, she was not red-headed, rather, dark like other Israeli woman. She made me embarrassed, she was herself probably embarrassed by the fact that her husband had infidelities, and she unleashed her rage on me. I was never truly in her family, and I resent her for that. And you, Jennifer Shepard, just have that sad fact of reminding me of both of them, the bastards," Ari pulled the safety on the rifle, poised it at Jen's head.

"Goodbye, Jennifer."

"It's you who should be the one saying goodbye," she quipped surely. And surely, the shot rang out, piercing into Ari, whose face was frozen in slight shock, the arrogance gone. Ziva David appeared at the top doorstep, gun in her shaking hand. Jen looked up, and nodded. Ziva continued down the staircase, her gait unsteady.

"I'm sorry, what was he to you?" Jen asked softly, as a woman would to one who had lost.

"He," she choked back a sob, "He was my half-brother." Jen suddenly felt a fresh wave of sympathy wash over her for Ziva David, whose life definitely was twisted.

Ziva began to sing a mourning song in Hebrew that spoke of loss and farewell over her half-brother's head as Jen looked on.

Yet wasn't Jennifer's own life twisted as well?

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**You may have noticed that I now call Jenny 'Jen' or 'Jennifer'. This will be explained later.**

**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey everyobdy! Sorry for the long update time. Loved the reviews, thanks so much for leaving them.**

**I love the Honor Code scenes. So I included it in the story. This is just the first chapter on Honor Code**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.**

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CHAPTER 5

_This chapter and the following are based on Honor Code_

Jennifer wound her hair into a small bun that morning, a few spiky strands protruding. It was yet another day at work, and she was getting ready. Ziva had been in their team for several weeks, and had begun to learn how to become a good investigator. Jethro had told her one morning without much notice, which had angered her slightly. He was very cocky nowadays, walking by the bullpen and staring at Jen for a few moments, before continuing back surreptitiously back to his little nest, unnerving Jen. Yet Ziva was faring well, and Jennifer enjoyed her female company, and their similar tastes involving clothes and drinks....and weaponry and tactics.

On the topic of Jethro, Jen found it slightly shocking that Gibbs was doing well as Director. The agency hadn't completely crashed under his leadership, and she was glad for that fact. Jobs were hard to come by these days. Yet on a more personal level, even though they weren't very personal, Jen was avoiding every little comment he dropped about possibly restarting their relationship. Gibbs had let it drop now, and she found herself comfortable with the current state of the workplace.

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Hours later she found herself waltzing through the elevator doors, a sure cup of Starbucks coffee in her hand. Jen had found she had liked Gibbs' old coffee, the bitter brew that she could never use to stand (unless in dire circumstances where she couldn't get her hand on a cup of caffeine), a reason for that was probably because she was almost living his life. She was still quite confused with her sudden existence change, but she had decided to just move on, and let whatever this existence decided to bring her come to her. Just maybe not Jethro.

A sudden buzz came through her phone and she flipped it open. A Navy Commander was missing, and his son had been left at the amusement park. Jen walked into the bullpen, to be assaulted with the sight of her team bantering as usual, and all the craziness which surrounded that action. She hid the smile and barked out, "Gear Up!" Ziva asked about the case, and was briefed briskly.

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Jen found herself watching the small boy, Zachery, later, at her desk. She felt slightly saddened by the sight, the boy was as young as her Kelly, the sweet innocence of childhood surrounding him. He was intelligent though, knew what to do in tough situations. He had demonstrated that with his ability to escape from the kidnappers, a well aimed blow to the jugular did hurt, Jenny knew that well.

She smiled as the child walked towards her, clearly bored with the pens and paper he had been given. Jenny found a spare glove in one of the drawers, and began to blow into it, the plastic inflating larger and larger. Zach laughed, Jennifer passing him the now inflated glove.

She remembered admiring Jethro's skill with children once, the warmth he treated them with juxtaposed with his normal nature. He would have made a good father.

"Director wants to see you," Ziva announced, walking in with Tony.

"He say what he want?" Jen got up, her emotions suddenly in turmoil. Ziva just shrugged, as she went back to her desk. Tony didn't provide an answer either. Jen was stuck. She knew she had to go up to see him, a situation which could turn very, _very_ awkward. She bit her lip, took a deep breath though her nostrils, and continued up the stairs.

Jethro stood there, languid his pose, gazing at her as she walked up the stairs. Jenny felt so self-conscious, her sharp bun making her feel so open. Maybe she should have let her hair down to cover her face…She reached the top, and leaned on the railing next to Jethro.

"I've noticed you always had a way with children," he always began the conversation in a distant tone, "You seem to get along…well with Zachery." _How very formal of you_, she thought. She didn't want to have a chit-chat with him.

"What do you want me for, _Director_?" Jen turned around to eye Jethro, her lips pursed impatiently. Jethro turned to face her, his facial expression relaxed and unhurried. He gazed at her seriously, and seemed to decide that she definitely was not in the mood.

"I've spoken with both the FBI and NSA…." he began his professional monologue which Jen hoped would be over soon, so she could relieve herself of his presence.

Finally, he had finished, and she smiled, painfully, ready to leave his tense presence.

"Ever thought of having one of your own?"

Jen stopped in her walk to the stairs, turning back to face him. She felt the inevitable burn start on her cheeks.

"Excuse me?" her mind couldn't turn fast enough. She unconsciously walked back to him.

"I mean, like, have a kid," he clarified. She was shell-shocked for two seconds.

"Is that…" she managed to choke out, a slight blush now covering her cheeks. Jethro barked out a harsh laugh, having the grace to at least let his ears redden too.

"No, that is not an offer, Jen," he smirked, as if to add _but it could be_. She bit her tongue to stop the words from coming out, and a few seconds of awkward silence passed between them.

"Well," she began, trying to plot her escape route, "I'd…better be going then…" She turned and began to walk with muffled footsteps. Jethro broke out of his reverie.

"Yes…" he cleared his throat, "Yes…"

Jennifer couldn't flee fast enough.

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**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	7. Chapter 6

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Hey people! Loved the reviews, they make me feel great! Kinda on a short hiatus (that probably won't last long), but updates will still be coming because I have already written up to Hiatus. So don't worry.

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.**

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_Song- The Last Goodnight- Return to Me_

CHAPTER 6

"With the grain, Zach, with the grain," Jen smiled as Zach changed his direction. The child was learning fast, and Jen enjoyed his presence. He reminded her so painfully of Kelly, Kelly, who would drag Shane down with her to work on the boat, or would drag Jen down if Shane wasn't available.

Soon, his attention span lapsed, and he began circling around the boat touching its smooth wood with his chubby little fingers. A little cherubic angel with a beautiful smile.

"Jen?" he asked as she applied some varnish to the boat, "How are you getting this out of the basement?" Jen smiled crookedly, many had asked her that question, including Kelly.

"Haven't thought much about it, Zach," she replied, "Maybe get a crane to hoist it out….who knows?" She knew secretly that she would probably burn it.

"When my Dad comes back he can help us," Zach piped up, before his face turned solemn. "Jen, you will bring him back to me? Promise?" Jen picked him up and put him on the workbench.

"Promise, Zach," she replied with a certainty that could not be doubted, "I promise." Zach allowed another angelic smile to shine through at her words.

"Now help me on the boat, won't you," Jen picked Zach up and placed his hands on the sander, muttering "with the grain." Zach was all serious in his art, carefully rubbing the sander rhythmically. Jen went over to the workbench to pick up a tool, when the stairs began to creak. She looked up, and spotted Jethro descending. He was dressed formally in a nice monkey suit, his hair immaculate and his chin clean shaved.

Jen backpedalled at once, remembering the last time he had been in her basement, and the words she had screamed at him. At least Zach was here.

"Hello, Jen," Jethro reached the bottom of the staircase, "Hey, Zach." Zach just nodded once, before jumping down. Jen crossed her arms and looked quizzically at him.

"Going to the White House?" she lifted her eyebrows sardonically. Jethro barked a harsh, awkward laugh, rather similar to when he had asked her whether she wanted a kid. His lips twisted.

"No, rather, a date," he eyed her, causing her heart to go all fluttery, something she really didn't like. She was sure he was implying that she was his date. Stuff men.

"Well then, you must be going," she couldn't keep the hint out of her voice that he should be gone. She would rather get back to her boat than to do small talk with him. Jethro seemed to notice her tone, yet was unfazed by it. He took a step closer to her.

"I would prefer if you just told me that you liked my suit."

Jen chuckled at his absurdity. He contrasted greatly with her. He looked like he was out for some classy dinner, while she was dressed in an old NIS sweatshirt and tracksuit pants, with an odd scarf to complement the outfit.

"Never truly appreciated vanity in a man, Jethro," Jennifer turned, hiding her face in the shadowy darkness of the room.

"Could you give us a moment, Zach?" she heard him ask gently, and heard the familiar little feet pattering back up the staircase. Jen turned around, to face him. Jethro was standing inches from her face, and at once, both of them took a step back.

"Ahem, I…I want to know that this case isn't just about a parentless kid to you, Jen. Your maternal feelings and all," Jethro definitely had an issue with awkwardness in this existence. It was rather cute…Jennifer, get your mind out of the gutter.

"Maternal feelings and all?" Jen raised her eyebrows, before moving to the other side of the boat, trying to get away from him like last time. Jethro chuckled at her expression, before continuing.

"We have evidence to prove that Commander Tanner may be at the centre of this…"

"My Dad didn't do anything wrong! My Dad's a good man!" Jen looked up to discover that Zach, in a matching NIS shirt, had been eavesdropping. The child looked devastated, as he disappeared through the basement door. Jen turned on Gibbs, anger flooding through her body again.

"Now look what you have done!" Jen couldn't help the harsh tone, "Come here to reprimand me before continuing off somewhere?" She always seemed to lose her head in the basement when Gibbs was there. Jethro looked on, exasperated.

"I suggest you'd be leaving then, now that I know your motive for your little drop in. Would you like to leave please," Jen smiled civilly, gesturing towards the staircase. Gibbs' expression became adamant.

"Jennifer," Jethro crossed his arms staunchly, "I don't know why you are always blowing up at me. I am your boss…" Jen felt herself about to lose it again. She gave herself up to her emotions, this seemed like a fantastic replay of _that night_.

"And you can fire me. I know only to well," her sarcasm was barely concealed, "Get out before I shoot you." All from one argument about a kid's dad.

"Jennifer," Gibbs tried again, but was pushed by Jen. He caught her shoulders for balance, looking into her green eyes. She shuddered, before breaking eye contact.

"I'm sorry, Jennifer," he walked up the stairs.

"Apologizing is a sign of weakness!" she shouted after his retreating back. After she heard the door shut, Zach reappeared, watching her slumped figure. He ran down the stairs to her.

"I think he really likes you, Jenny," Zach stated innocently. Jen cracked a smile. She ruffled his hair, before tossing him a sander.

"We'll see about that."

She hoped Zach was not right.

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	8. Chapter 7

**A/N The next two chapters are kinda fluffy, so enjoy the fluff as it comes, because this is the calm before the storm…. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS**

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CHAPTER 7

_This chapter takes after the episode Bait_

Jethro stood there, lounging against his regular spot on the railing of the upstairs catwalk, peering at Jennifer and her 'little congregation' which had just arrived in the bullpen.

Jenny lifted her gaze to catch his, surprised to find something that resembled relief in them. He wiggled his finger in a motion for her to come upstairs, and she did, smiling as she scaled the steps.

"I was concerned you'd get yourself blown up today, Jenny," he greeted, his eyes still staring off into the distance. Jenny felt touched yet slightly shocked at his usage of 'Jenny', he usually just called her 'Jen' or 'Shepard' or 'Jennifer' if he was really mad at some 'crime' she had just committed. He tended to use 'Jenny' as an endearment, he saved it for whispering in her ear at romantic dinners in Paris, many years ago. People barely called her Jenny anymore, due to her always introducing herself as 'Jen' or 'Jennifer'. The name 'Jenny' brought up much too many memories...

"Well, we all have to make some sacrifices," she replied serenely, knowing all to well how her tone irked him. He twitched, smiling a wide, wrinkled smile, before returning to face her.

"You got me a little worried in there," Jethro replied jokingly, "Wondered if I'd see you again." Though his tone was light, his eyes were laced with his concern, and that made Jen feel funny. She cleared her throat roughly, and Jethro followed suit, switching their topic from emotions to the case of Cody Meyers.

* * *

Jennifer walked alongside Jethro, continuing to the metal doors of his office. Jen was angry at his impertinence, in his stoic attitude to her want of finding Cody's mother.

"It's the least I can do for this boy," Jennifer bit at him, trying to make him relent. Jethro reached across, making her flinch backwards, but he was only reaching for the door. She shivered.

And she was met with the scene of the Meyer family happily reunited.

"Nice to see you can still surprise me, Jethro," she smirked at his smug face. He only clicked his tongue and winked. She began to walk away before he could say anything else, but he caught up with her.

"Wait Jen," he hissed. She turned sharply, lashing the side of his face with her hair. She couldn't help but let the smirk reappear at his rueful action of rubbing the red line on his cheek. He was probably thinking about how women could be too dangerous for their good...

"I was wondering…" he took a dramatic breath, "Dinner?" She took a double take.

"Dinner?" she stuttered, before coughing a little to hide her nervous tone, "What brought this on?"

"Come on, I haven't had a decent meal with you since I came here! I'll tell you the story of what I did after Paris…"

Jen's mind flashed back uncomfortably to the last 'decent meal' she had with Jethro, the one where he ended their 'relationship' in Paris, and the night where she had asked after what he had done in Paris. She eyed him skeptically.

"…I'll buy," Jethro added as if to change Jen's already rapidly cementing decision, "Come on Jen, it'll be good! If you don't want to go to a fancy restaurant, I can always bring take out to your place..." He immediately knew that he had made a wrong move. Jennifer seemed to have an issue between having Jethro in her basement, it usually ended in her screaming at him to 'GET OUT!'

"Thanks for the offer, _Gibbs_," she responded as diplomatically as possible, "But…I am busy tonight. Thanks again though." She began to retreat, scratching her neck, and waving. She bumped into a Probie, who looked terrified at the mere sight of her, before clumsily going down the stairs. _Thank goodness, _she thought, _Thank goodness._

* * *

The left-side, the finished side, gleamed as she continued to rub the sand paper over the planks of already polished wood. The work was brain-numbing, just what she needed.

She needed to get rid of the images of Jethro's relieved look, she needed to get rid of his words that echoed in her head _"You got me a little worried in there, wondered if I'd see you again."_

Left, right, left, right, left right…

She threw down her sander in exasperation, untied her hair to allow its soft, feminine, billowy waves to hide her sharp face. Jethro was much too memorable for his own good.

Suddenly, she heard a sharp knock, followed by a masculine voice calling her name… "JEN…JENNIFER..."

She told him that she didn't want him over for dinner. Then what the hell was he doing here?

Jen sat down determinedly on the dusty, wood shaving covered floor, and wrapped her arms securely around her knees. It was childish, but it made her feel good.

After the knocks and the calls ceased at last, she grabbed her Sig, continuing upstairs, down the hallway where the lilies and hyacinths were wilting, to open the unlocked door.

No one waited outside, no familiar grey head, no sparkly blue eyes. She looked down to find several cartons of her favourite Chinese take out, the little pair of chopsticks residing next to the box. She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her lined face, as she picked up the smallest carton, opened it, and inhaled the tangy smell of sweet-sour pork.

She looked around once, resembling a rabbit, before carrying the plastic bag in, the soy sauce sloshing noisily. She dumped it on the kitchen table, stopping as if she were unsure and slightly guilty, before tucking into the pork with spring rolls and bok choy to complement her palate.

She did not notice Leroy Jethro Gibbs, sitting in his dark tinted car on the opposite side of the road, laughing as he tucked into his dim sums.

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	9. Chapter 8

**Finally, an update! Sorry for the long wait, I've been pretty busy.**

**Anyway...enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill...**

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CHAPTER 8

_This chapter is based on the episode Jeopardy_

Jennifer Shepard tried to stay as still as possible, not wishing to alert her capturer that she was nervous and trying to find a way out. In fact, he looked more nervous, rubbing his hands and pacing frantically around the room, every so often checking his watch.

She didn't know why the hell he chose her, he would have been much better of with Mr Director. They had managed to corner her in a coffee run, she had already killed/wounded three of his men.

And now she was stuck in the little room beside the hangar, with a guy who looked like he needed to seriously go to an asylum near her, and the guy who was killed by the guy who seriously needed to go to an asylum. Not fun.

She wondered how Jethro was feeling. She remembered all to clearly the time when she had given herself up as a hostage to a teenage kid with a bomb strapped to her chest, and she had heard from secret whispers that Jethro was beside his mind with worry, even ready to leave the Navy Yard and come like a 'white knight' to her rescue.

This situation would have made his worry then seem like nothing compared to now. She was very tempted to laugh. She could just imagine his face…all contorted with pain and anguish…eyes clouded with murder…ready to rescue her and when he did, he would take her into his arms and whisper little nothings in her ear….

What? Why the hell was she thinking of that at a time like this! She didn't even like the guy, and now, she was fantasying about him?

Jen became sober once more, trying to think of a suitable escape route, or a way to kill her capturer.

* * *

The office was dark when Jen arrived back in the car with Jethro, Tony driving and Ziva sitting sulkily in the shotgun seat. Jethro had denied Ziva the position, knowing only all too well how Ziva drove.

Jennifer smiled smugly as Jethro escorted her protectively to her desk, looking rather like the golden retriever that she had never been allowed to have. He would have done perfectly, of course. A little training wouldn't hurt though.

"Thank you, Jethro," she replied smoothly, as she sat down at her desk, beginning to pack her bags. McGee was already sitting at his desk, and was eyeing the interaction between Jen and Gibbs with poorly disguised curiosity.

"McGee," they both turned to face McGee, who emitted a noise that sounded something like a squeak. Jen smiled kindly at him, which was bound to make him more scared than happier.

"Go home, Tim."

McGee had left the bullpen before the word 'Tim' had even managed to escape her lips. He crashed into an incoming Tony and Ziva, looked at them wildly, before taking the stairs, a thing he rarely did. Jen hid a small chuckle.

She noticed that Jethro had disappeared, probably back into his office, when Tim was trying to escape. She felt kind of strange, not having him ask her out for dinner or anything, just leaving abruptly. The habit of continuously rejecting him was growing on her, she liked his forlorn and lonely glances. She couldn't help the cruelty.

Tony and Ziva were eyeing her, she waved them off, and they rushed as quickly as possible to the elevator, almost as eager as McGee. Jen couldn't help the smile that reappeared as Jethro descended the staircase once Tony and Ziva had left the bullpen. She stood up to meet him.

"Hello Jethro," she greeted silkily, trying to be subtly flirtatious, leaning against her sturdy desk, her curling hair waving around her shoulders. His wary gaze met hers, and he could see the little machines in his brain whirling to try and figure out why she was acting in this manner.

"Hi, Jen," he took an unsure step towards her, squinting at her face.

"Do I have something on my face?" Jen acted as if she was confused, rubbing the skin around her lips.

"No," his voice was all crackly. He cleared his throat and tried again, "No. I just want to know how you are doing, after, you know, getting captured…" His voice broke again. Jen decided to take the step.

"Would you like to come over for dinner today? You could do with a good meal, I'll whip something up," Jen suggested lightly as she began to pack her bag. She did no miss the action of Jethro's careful eyes lighting up, before turning suspicious.

"You are inviting me over for dinner?" _What are you going to do? _Jethro questioned her. Jen knew his unspoken thought.

"Can't a person invite her old partner over for dinner? We need to catch up, remember," Jen began to walk to the elevator. Jethro chuckled.

"Well, aren't you coming?"

"Wait, I'll be at your house at 2000, still have a bit of unfinished paperwork and the works," Jethro waved, making for the stairs. Jennifer smirked as she pressed the down button on the elevator. Jethro was just classic.

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**Next chapter is....*KABOOM*.**

**That pretty much gives it away....keeping my lips sealed.**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hey everbody! Thanks for the great reviews....made me happy, and therefore, I have posted another chapter!**

**Hope you enjoy this!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.**

**Oh...this is revised. I made a little error in the last posting....*blushes***

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CHAPTER 9

_This chapter and the following are based on the episodes Hiatus I and II_

Abog Galib shook Jen's arm, a small smile appearing on his grimy face.

"…Fire a few rounds. Just do not hit me," he claimed his passport from Jen, before walking towards the adjoining room. Jen was about to ring her team to tell them not to shoot him, when he stopped her and motioned her over to join him in the other room. Jen did so, and before she could even open her mouth to question him, she felt an excruciating pain hit her body, saw the red smattering of blood in an explosion, felt the shrapnel bury deep into her flesh, and fell into the white expanse.

_Pain, more pain. Jen felt the pain everywhere, felt her skin burn. She blinked once, the world seemed to still be covered in a yellowy-red film. People screamed around her, doctors hurrying to and fro._

"_Gunny, Gunny!" the doctor called to her. She wanted to answer back, but she couldn't, her throat was all dry and all she could do was blink. She wanted to scream at him, tell him she was in pain. All she could do was blink._

_She felt him pry at her eyes, poking at her. It was unpleasant, the burning sensation intensified every time his hand touched her skin._

"_STOP!" she wanted to scream, "DON'T SAVE ME! LET ME GO!"_

_She had just been in some sort of an explosion, probably in Desert Storm. She felt disoriented. She could remember the huge bang of the mine, her buddies falling over, she could feel her head collide onto the solid dirt, her heavy gear falling around her and the metal clang of her helmet. The relief. _

_And she could remember Belle telling her the news._

_They were dead._

_Shane…and Kelly were dead._

_She felt the doctor pressing the plastic mask on her face, the burning sensation intensified. She breathed in and out, deep breaths that did not help at all._

_The world was pain. Pain, burning pain._

_Soon it was too much and she sunk once more into the whiteness._

_

* * *

_

_She saw Shane. The dark mess of stuff on top of his head he called hair was neatly combed in a farewell gesture. He held Jenny in his strong arms, looking at her so lovingly, the same look he had every time she left for service. She felt so safe in those arms, looking into the blue gaze of his._

_"You don't have to do this you know," Shane whispered the same words he always used, "You don't have to go. Get an honourable discharge. I don't know if I can let you walk away today, Jenny-bear." He always made it hard, but Jen had always left, because her country needed her._

_"I know Shaney," she stroked his cheek, "But I have to go." She reached up and mussed his hair, making it all crazy again. She loved it that way. He smiled, before his face turned solemn once more._

_"Say it all again. Promise me," he held her tighter, he held his wife tighter._

_"I will come home. Safe and whole," Jen repeated the familiar words. Shane swatted her face playfully._

_"Not those, honey."_

_"I love you Shane. And I won't run off with some hot military guy," she replied back jokingly, before he leaned in for a kiss. She readily returned it, savouring his touch, the last one for a while._

_"MUMMY!!!!!!" Little Kelly ran out from the house, finally able to retrieve the object she had been looking for._

_"EEEWWW!" She turned away at the sight of her Mummy and Daddy kissing. Shane chuckled, as Jen ran forward and swung Kelly into her outstretched arms, pecking her forehead. She immediately regretted the action of picking Kelly up, she had forgotten momentarily how heavy her baby was. She put Kelly down again, causing the little redhead to pout most unceremoniously._

_"I love you, Kel," Jenny knelt to her daughter's height level, hands tight on her Kelly's shoulders. Kelly smiled once more, before bringing out the picture she had prepared for her Mummy._

_"See, Mummy, you can always see Daddy and me now, when you are off fighting off baddies," she showed her drawing of a stick-figure Jenny with red scribbles around her head, with the stick-figures of Shane (with even messier scribbles of dark brown) and Kelly (who was wearing a triangle dress with flower scribbles). Jen couldn't help the little tears that appeared in her eyes after she inspected the drawing._

_"I'll miss you Mummy," Kelly whispered as Jenny pulled her daughter into a big bear hug. Shane joined in, rubbing Jenny's back comfortingly._

_"I'll miss y'all," she pulled back at last, before kissing Kelly one last time, and then Shane. She walked towards the car, turned back and waved._

_"Never easy to leave your folks Gunny," the man in the car stated conversationally, "Especially the kids."_

_"Ya think, Belle?" Jen rested her head onto the head-rest, closing her eyes.__

* * *

_

_The never-stopping explosions. Desert Storm. The days of shooting in between the rocks, being teased mercilessly by the chauvinistic pigs of men, laughing whenever possible with Belle and Hayley. Reading the Bible as if to remove the sin of mass-murder from their souls. They couldn't help it. It was necessary._

_And then the announcement. Belle, her wrinkled face unsmiling. Hayley flanking her, looking concerned, Joel and Brandon nearby. Solemn._

_"They're both dead. Shane and Kelly. I'm so sorry, Jennifer," Belle broke it to her in the best way she could. Jenny felt herself break with anguish. Shane and Kelly were all she had. Other than that dratted father back in Stillwater, who had managed to hook up with a woman a few days after her mother died. She was a mother, she was a wife. Now, she was nothing._

_She couldn't contain her grief. She wanted to die, die with them. She couldn't live any longer._

_The next time they went out, she ran head first into the explosions, her gun aimed, ready. The bloodlust was in her eyes, and soon, she tumbled onto the ground. Hoping that she was dead. Knowing she wasn't._

_

* * *

_

_When she was discharged from service, she hobbled to their graves. They were in a nice parkland area, Kelly would have loved the green grass, the peacefulness interrupted only by the calls of birds. Maybe not the fact that it was a cemetery._

_It was so real. Seeing their graves etched with their names. "Shane Berkeley". "Kelly Berkeley". She should have been with them. Her name and grave alongside them._

_"Jennifer Berkeley"_

_And she found herself sitting next to the small patch of flowers near their graves, gun pointed at her head._

_

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_

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	11. Chapter 10

**Thanks for all the review! Here's the next one!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS**

* * *

CHAPTER 10

Jethro, Abby and the doctor, Todd Gelfand, stood near Jen's bedside, watching her eyes flicker rapidly and her face, ensnared in the look of anguish.

"That was just the look she had in '91."

* * *

_She arrived home, hot, angry tears cascading down her pale cheeks. There was no one at home, it was empty, still, silent. No "Mummy!" no "Jenny-bear", nothing at all._

_A thin layer of dust covered the couch in the living room; she ran her fingers over it. She dumped her bags next to it, walking down the long hallway. The empty glass vase which usually contained lilies (her favourite), hyacinths (Shane's favourite) and sprinklings of the little 'lily of the valley' which were as sweet and fresh as Kelly, cried of loneliness._

_She continued up the stairs and landed in the second-floor hallway. She stumbled over to Kelly's bedroom, hesitated for a moment, before gently pushing the door open._

_The bed was neatly made, the sheets with soft pink butterfly patterns neatly folded, the pillow with the big flower that Kelly loved, sitting tidily, undisturbed, at the top end of the bed._

_Jen walked over to Kelly's soft toy collection, Strawberry Shortcake sitting sweetly with Mr Waggles in her arms, smiling happily. Jenny's bottom lip wobbled as she stroked Strawberry's hair, the texture not one bit similar to its owner's._

_She was going to find the bastard. Find the bastard and track him down. Then shoot him._

_

* * *

__The Special Agent in charge of the case, this Michael Franks guy, smoked a cigarette as he gazed at her, trying to read her expressions. He looked unruly, his stubble was as grey-white as his hair, his blue eyes faded and slightly glazed._

"_Can't help you catch the dirt-bag…" Mike decided at last, "But..." He slammed a yellow case file in front of Jenny. She hungrily surveyed the cover and flipped it open, to find the picture of the suspect, a Mexican man by the name Pedro Hernandez. He seemed to stare right at Jen, and she felt the hatred of him begin to blaze. She knew what she was going to do next. She needed a plane flight to Mexico._

_

* * *

__She stayed in the little village for three days, observing her target, and then going to Church, praying for Shane and Kelly. It felt like a ritual, it kept her from pointing the gun at her own head again._

_At last, she had managed to find a suitable place to murder him. He was coming out in his old bomber of a truck, the machine grinding sluggishly along the dirt road, gravel spinning madly around the tires. He was whistling to a Mexican tune on the radio, which spoke of siestas and partying, family and happiness._

_She was poised on a hill, in her camouflaging uniform, rifle pointed at his head, and when the moment was right, she let the bullet fly, her sharp eye allowing it to hit his head neatly. The red blood spilled out onto the front windshield, she relished in his head thudding onto the seat next to him._

_The anguish started in her heart again. She screamed up at the sky, as the smiling memories of Shane and Kelly filled her head, almost like a photomontage. _

_She pulled out the scrunched up picture in her pocket, smoothed it out and stared at it._

"_See, Mummy, you can always see Daddy and me now, when you are off fighting off baddies." _

_The memory of little Kelly, who resembled Jenny so much, presenting the stick-figure picture to her, made her double over in pain._

_Kelly had just forgotten to add: "Especially when we are gone."_

_Jenny cried out once more, tears streaming down her dirty face…_

_

* * *

_Jenny felt the consciousness of life bringing her out of her memories. She tried to submerge herself in them once again, but failed. She didn't want to live. She wanted to see Kelly and Shane, their real, laughing faces.

Her eyes flashed open and the scene swam into view. Two men and a woman were standing over her, trying to push her back onto the bed. She tried to resist, but failed.

"Blink," one of the men commanded, and she did so, pressing her heavy eyelids together. The momentary closure of her eyes brought back the smiling face of Kelly, and she didn't want to open them. She just wanted to see Kelly, happy and smiling. But her eyelids opened once more.

She felt a slimy thing stuck in her throat, and tried to yank it out. The man with the rectangular glasses stopped her, and the woman asked if she wanted it out. Jen nodded earnestly, and the man drew it out slowly, and at last, the slimy feeling was gone.

"I'm Doctor Gelfand," the man with the rectangular glasses introduced himself, "This is Nurse Balliat."

"Maria," the dark haired woman smiled comfortingly, as she pressed the mask on Jenny's face. Jenny breathed deeply, her chest rising and falling.

"And you know Dr Mallard," Gelfand smiled.

"She calls me Ducky," the man with the circular glasses and the old-grandfather look leant towards her, "Hello Jennifer! You shouldn't get us all a-worried like that! Thank goodness you have woken up." Jen was confused. Apparently, she was meant to know the man, but she didn't. Didn't have any recollection of him. She implored to Doctor Gelfand with her eyes she wanted the mask removed.

"You have a question," he stated, as Maria lifted the mask.

"Where am I?" the words came out raspy. She was slightly shocked to hear her own voice.

"Portsmouth Hospital, Naval Trauma Centre. You were in an explosion," the Doctor stated calmly. Maria pressed the mask back onto Jen's face. _Hell, she's annoying_, Jen thought as she tried to pry Maria's mask off. Maria relented at last.

"I remember," she said in the same raspy tone. The Doctor smiled at that, informing her that many did not remember the explosion. If she could, she would smile wryly. Explosion or no, she would remember her head-first run into the multiple explosions for life, the announcement of her spouse and daughter's death ringing in her head.

The man with the circular glasses looked relieved as well. She could not pinpoint this 'Doctor Mallard', this 'Ducky' guy.

"I…I don't know him," she stated, confused, gazing at the old man. The Doctor and Maria swivelled to face Ducky, who looked as bewildered as them.

Jenny felt very tired.

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